I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Bring me that man meat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
