I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
