I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
