How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
