I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
