There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
