gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize