After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize