I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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