i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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