Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
