Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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