you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
