It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
