i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What a dumb baby whore.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
