don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
