We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
