My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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