yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
