My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
