Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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