never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
