"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
