I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They took my balls.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
