Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
