There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
