hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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