I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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