there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
