Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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