two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize