i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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