My liver just broke up with me...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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