You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
