but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
