Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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