if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize