worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
