its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
