There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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