I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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