I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
