I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
