then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
