it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
