but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
