Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
