Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
