Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
