im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
