her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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