You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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