What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
