DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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