Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
