You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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