I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
