Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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