So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
