The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
