I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
