I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
