This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
