why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think my moral compass just broke
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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