Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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