i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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