What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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