I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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