whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im six kinds of drunk right now
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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